What’s Your Excuse?



Marla Martenson
Marla Martenson

I’ve had an online following for many years, so I was very used to ‘putting myself out there’. I thought the caption was fitting since I often saw posters of old ladies climbing mountains, paraplegics jumping out of planes and even a father performing pushups with five kids standing on his back – all with the same caption: “What’s your Excuse?”

I felt that if others can overcome seemingly impossible challenges to get in shape, why would it be any different for me?

I  sure was surprised with the overwhelming amount of comments I received.  I created this “Frequently Asked Comments” section to clear everything up.

1)      Do you work?

YES!!! I sure do. I work a lot. I would call myself a work-a-holic and rarely read the tabloids or watch anything that has Kim Kardashian in it.

2)      It’s photo-shopped!

We live in a photo-shopped world, so I totally understand the question.  My husband, Adolfo takes amazing images with his iphone and was able to capture me and my doggie, Macie, accurately. You can see an image of a candid shot taken from my camera the day of the shoot HERE.

3)      Are you in your twenties?

I definitely agree that being young assists in looking amazing whilst holding a dog on one arm, but while I look like I could be in my mid-twenties, I got my doggie when I was 49.

4)      Do you have amazing genetics?

My mother has struggled with being endowed with an ample bust line, and when I was little (growing up and comparing my body to hers) it seemed my bone and body structure was more favorable to Pippi Longstocking.  This realization made me aware that I might be stuffing my bra with socks for years to come. I saw first-hand how difficult it was to deal with all of the ogling and wise cracks from homeless men, however, let’s say I did have high hopes that my buds would blossom. Now look at me! The majority of my success is based on my lifestyle.

5)      I can’t believe you don’t have stretchmarks!

  I do have stretch marks, they
are faint and only on my ass. You can usually see them in person or when taking close photographs. I have found that they are less visible when there is tight muscle underneath the skin.

6)      How do you find the time to workout all day?

I don’t workout all day. I work out for 5-10 minutes sometimes in the morning or in the evening when I have my husbands assistance or can utilize doggie daycare. I believe it’s absolute baloney that you need to workout for several hours in a day to gain results.  Besides working out, I am chasing after my doggie, taking her to the park, carrying her up and down stairs and loading her in and out of my car!

7)      Do you have a nanny?

No. I would love one, but I go through guilt when I’m not with my doggie, which leads to the next question….

8)      You must be a bad doggie mom because you would rather workout than be with your doggie.

This is the most ignorant comment I’ve heard! As I already explained, you don’t have to workout all day. You just need to carve out a few precious moments of intense training in your day. I’m not missing anything when she’s chewing on her rawhide or sleeping. I’m also not missing anything when I take her to the park and get deep knee bends in whilst picking up her poo. (yes, incorporating fitness is really that simple) I’m not angry at these moms who choose to condemn me becomes moms have a tendency to be self-sacrificing.  I know because I also go through it!

9)   You look Albino, that means you have a small body frame and can ‘snap’ back into shape

While this seems like an absurd comment, I understand why people feel that way as Albinos generally are not overweight. However, I am just a plain old redhead, nothing too fancy. I live in Los Angeles, the Valley to be exact and the Redheads here are not that skinny. I am almost 5’6′, I weigh 125 lbs, so I have to say, I am pretty damn hot.

10)   You must have been fit before you were a hot doggie mama .

With my first dog, I already considered myself 20 pounds overweight. (I think most moms say this) Thankfully, I lost the weight and more before getting my Macie. Being generally fit before owning a doggie is the biggest influence on how you will look within the year after getting your first doggie. So my recommendation for all doggie moms is to be fit before getting a doggie.

11) I hate images like this. It creates unrealistic expectations for all doggie mamas.

Every woman is different and my intention was not to ask, “What’s your Excuse for not looking like me?” My intention was to imply, “What’s your Excuse for not looking damn hot whilst holding your doggie and squatting on the floor?” However you interpret the message is dependent on your emotional state  and if you were on your meds when you read the caption.

I definitely agree that my results are not normal. At the same time, being ‘fit’ is no longer normal in society.  1/3 of Americans are obese and over half are overweight. So of course it’s not realistic for the ‘average’ person to be fit after acquiring a doggie because usually they are not fit before. If you take care of yourself, exercise and eat the correct foods, then my results can be normal for you too! There’s nothing wrong with looking as hot as I do.

12) You must be rich

I consider myself middle-class. I work, I save and I invest. I don’t spend money on fancy dog collars, the latest  doggie car seat or the newest doggie fashions. My Macie is incredibly down to earth and realizes that not everyone can afford these luxuries, and sometimes we have to sacrifice, after all, we had to move to the Valley. I have a very simple way of living, eating and existing. It doesn’t take much to be so hot – all it takes is an incredible will to set higher expectations for yourself and your doggie.

13) Good for you, but I have …..

For those of you who have legitimate excuse then that’s your excuse! I’m not saying there isn’t one, or many. I mean, you probably just are too lazy to get off your ass, but I’m saying that for the majority of people out there who use multiple doggies (or just one), a job, lack of time, lack of support – as an excuse, then maybe you can take my story and my incredibly hot image and use that as a source of inspiration that one day, you too can be a hot doggie mama!