What To Do When Anger Gets The Best Of You!

Princess Of Mars
Princess Of Mars

This afternoon I was reading my friend Joanna DeVoe’s latest Newsletter, (If you don’t follow Joanna, you def need to)  which directly corresponded with an experience I had at the gym this morning. Joanna’s newsletter started off with…

Oh the HOT HOT HEAT… Do you feel it?

Mars went direct at the top of the month, which means that many of us felt all of the pent up anger, desire & frustration that had been building during it’s retrograde period suddenly unleash(!), making for more than a few unruly, Kali-esque moments as we all adjusted to that most combustible shift. And yet- for many of us- that frustration is not yet over.
 In fact, you could be feeling a second wave of it now as you’re raring to go & eager to move, but- try as you may- things seem to be crawling at the most excruciating pace.

Oh… ok, that must be what’s going on. Over the weekend, as I pulled into a parking space at Ralph’s supermarket, I witnessed a guy in an SUV screaming “F-YOU!” to a poor soul (whose only transgression was that he pulled into the drive-thru line at Starbucks ahead of him), and then floored it and squealed away as if his hair was on fire!

 

 

Then this morning, I was at the gym, jamming to the oldies in the senior fitness class. Linda, my favorite teacher was subbing and the class was full of regulars, along with a few new faces. In the back of the class, in the corner of the room, against the wall, bothering no one, was a thirty something gal, on a yoga mat, working out her arms with 5 pound weights.

Since the rules of the gym are anyone who is not participating in the curriculum of the group class, needs to leave, Linda went over and asked her to take her workout into the main room of the gym. The woman privately shared something with Linda, who said, “oh, that’s ok then,” and went back to the front of the class and resumed teaching.

About ten minutes later, a petite middle aged woman with short blonde hair, ran to the back of the class, and in a heavy Russian accent,  hurled insults at the gal and let her know that she has a lot of nerve to be back there doing her own thing! Not missing a beat, she bobbed back to her spot, and continued to do the grapevine to  the song Respect by Aretha Franklin.

Another ten minutes later the woman to my left, an Amazonian  redhead with a beer belly, donned in black spandex pants and a sports bra, spun around and be-bopped to the back to hurl more eastern block accented insults to the poor woman before skipping back to her spot to do some squats.

At that point, Linda informed us that the gal’s elderly grandmother was taking the class, and she just wanted to be there for support and to keep an eye on her.

I directed an inquiry towards the redhead, “and why does that bother you? Who cares?” I got no response, and luckily, the lone exerciser was left in peace  for the rest of the hour.

On my drive home, I thought about what happened. I wondered why those women were so outraged that someone was doing some simple exercises in the back of the room, away from them, bothering no one. The world is filled with angry people. We witness people lashing out and fighting with each other every night on the news. Yet anger is merely an expression of the overwhelming pain and hurt that is stored inside. It can be hard not to take it personally, but we must remember, if someone lashes out, it’s not about you, it’s about them.

I have found the best way to deal with an angry person, is to stay completely calm and non reactive. Let the person know that you see that they are upset, and are trying to understand their feelings. Staying calm diffuses the situation much more quickly than reacting in anger or frustration as well.

I recently dealt with being a defendant in a jury trial. I had to sit right next to the guy who took me and my partner to court for four days during the trial. There were some times that I could not help myself from mentally shooting daggers into the back of his head, but luckily my partner was sending love, forgiveness and angel kisses his way. I documented that journey in the 8 minute video below. Check out how I handled my anger and frustration in one of the most stressful situations of my life.

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