How Can I Tell If He or She Is “The One?”


As you can imagine, I hear all kinds of stories from not only my clients, but from friends and people that love to confide in me. Many people want advice or my “take” on whether or not the person that they are seeing is really “the one” or ready for a long-term commitment.

Ask yourself the following questions to find out if a certain person is ready for you!

• Do you spend a lot of time watching the phone, waiting for his or her call?
• Do you go out mostly during the week, like Mondays or Thursdays, but never seem to snag a weekend date?
• Does he or she call you mostly in the mid-morning, during commercials when watching TV, or late at night when it’s too late to go out?
• When he does call, does he give you feeble excuses for not calling sooner, like, “I’ve been really busy lately”?
• Does she act “touchy,” change the subject or ignore you when you discuss nailing down future plans?
• Does he prefer to e-mail, rather than speak in person?
• Do her plans always involve something she wants to do and then she says, “Come along if you want to” (like she’s granting you a privilege)?
• Does he tell you he’ll have to “wait and see” when you ask him to join you for a special event?
• Does he frequently not call when he says he will?
• Do you have to take the initiative all the time to get together?
• Do you feel like you’re trying too hard to keep her interested?
• Does he talk about his future plans, like moving or buying a house, that clearly don’t include you?
• Do you always meet at your place, but rarely at hers?
• Is she reluctant to introduce you to her friends or family?
• Does he pick you up for a date, or does he expect you to meet him out?
• When he is talking to friends on the phone in your presence, does he conveniently leave out the fact that he is with you when they clearly ask him what he is doing?
• Does he call mostly late at night, asking to come over and “see you” … in other words, is the connection between you mostly based on “free sex”?
• Does he often “forget” his wallet when it’s time to pay the bill at dinner?

If you answered “yes” to two or more of these questions, it’s very possible he or she is not interested in a long-term relationship, at least not with you. If you’re looking for someone to settle down with, then it’s time to move on! Some people think if they just stick around long enough, it will only be a matter of time before he or she will “change” because of their growing love. But this is rarely the case. If his actions aren’t showing his interest in you early on, when he is most likely to make the effort to try to impress you, then chances are they won’t change later when he’s even more likely to take your devotion for granted.


Ask yourself the questions above early in any relationship to help you assess if it’s time to move on so as not to waste your time or risk getting your heart broken. To hedge your bets, until a partner has asked you to be “exclusive,” feel free to date others. Go out, have fun, meet and experience new people! Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. When a person feels that you are too eager, desperate, or just waiting around for him or her, they will run as fast as a turkey on Thanksgiving! When it’s right, you won’t have to force or push anything. It will feel as though it was really meant to be, because it is!