Do Men Just Want An Arm Piece?

As a real life Cupid, I’m convinced that deep down everyone is hoping to find his or her true love. This may not seem true when you go on date after date, year after year, and nothing ever seems to come of the process.

When men hire me to find their soul mate, but turn down twenty women in a row because they “aren’t attracted to her photo” it makes me wonder what they are really looking for. But, men are visual. They are hardwired to look for visual clues of health, youth and fertility.

It is often confusing and difficult for women to accept the fact that their looks are the first thing a man is interested in. But no man is going to approach a woman who he does not find attractive and say “Hi, my name is Jim, you look like you have a beautiful soul and a brilliant mind, would you like to have dinner sometime?”


Men are hardwired to respond to visual cues and there is nothing that any of us can do about that. To actually become aroused and have his “apparatus” work, he needs to like what he sees. Why do you think that we see all of the celebrities pair up with the hottest women in Hollywood and not some nice, plump plain Jane? Exactly! It’s the reason that advertising agencies hire gorgeous models to sell everything from cosmetics, shampoo, cars, clothing, perfume and even hamburgers, just to name a few.

Few of us are blessed with the gene pool of, say, Cameron Diaz, Heidi Klum or Eva Longoria, but we can still get our behinds to the gym or walk around the block a few times per day and cut out the junk food.

The way we physically look greatly affects our ability to attract and keep a partner. A man knows if he is physically interested in a woman within the first three minutes of meeting her. For men, attraction occurs on a biological level — he wants to know that he can successfully pass on his genes, which is why men generally are attracted to younger women. For women, the man that is most attractive to her tends to be the one who can provide food, shelter and care for a family, which is why women are often attracted to older men. In the dating game, staying slim and trim is probably the most important thing that you can do to help ensure that you will attract a man and then keep him interested once you do.

More importantly, staying slim and trim is also one of the most important things that you can do for your overall health. Did you know that high blood pressure is twice as common in overweight people? Or that your risk of arthritis increases 9-13% for every 2 pounds of weight you gain, or that gaining as little as 11-18 pounds doubles your chance of developing type 2 diabetes, or that women who gain more than 20 pounds between the age of 18 and midlife double the risk of developing breast cancer after menopause? It’s about far more than looks for vanity’s sake — the benefits of staying in shape cover all aspects of a woman’s life. You want to enjoy a long and active relationship with your soul mate when you find him – that should be impetus enough.

Of course you don’t want to obsess about your weight endlessly, or beat yourself up about extra pounds. Looking and feeling healthy, fit, strong and sexy is the goal to aspire to.

Eating healthily can definitely be a challenge for women on the go, but you can do it. If you stick to Deepak Chopra’s advice: “Avoid eating anything with a label on it,” you will be off to an amazing start! Here are some easy, helpful tips you should try if you’re not already doing them. These are all things I make a point of doing, and I really feel great!

Invest in a juicer and make wonderful fresh vegetable and fruit juices right at home. •Drink plenty of filtered water. Sodas of any kind are terrible for your health and should be cut out of your diet.
•Drink green tea daily. Green tea has powerful antioxidants, catechins that have been shown to fight viruses, slow aging, reduce high blood pressure, lower blood sugar, and help prevent cancer. Green tea also boosts the immune system and also helps prevent tooth decay.
Avoid eating fried foods.
•Incorporate olive oil into your diet. If you want to sweeten coffee, cereal, smoothies etc. skip the refined sugar and use stevia instead. It can be purchased at any health food store. Stevia is sweeter than sugar and it is a non-caloric herb native to Paraguay that has been used as a sweetener and flavor enhancer for centuries.
•Cut animal products out of your diet. They are loaded with saturated fats, hormones and antibiotics. If you don’t feel that you can cut them out completely, try to cut down to a couple of times per week. Your body and the animals will thank you.
Eat Goji berries everyday. You can buy them at any health food store. The Goji berry is a complete protein loaded with 18 amino acids including all 8 essential amino acids. They contain over 20 trace minerals and vitamins including iron, zinc, copper, B complex, vitamin C and E.

Slowly making healthy and smart changes will get you and keep you on the road to looking and feeling great, which of course will result in attracting a soul mate.

So to answer the original question, “Does he just want an arm piece?” In a way, yes! But that is not all our brothers are looking for in a woman. When interviewing men, these are five other qualities that continually top the list in a perfect partner:

1. Intelligence. She doesn’t necessarily have to have a college degree, as long as she is bright and can have a stimulating conversation. A woman can be stunning in the looks department, but if she doesn’t know who our country’s vice president is or where Portugal is located in the map, he won’t be inclined to take her to upscale events with his business associates.

2. Easygoing. Men love a woman who can go with the flow. Someone who is not constantly complaining and pouting. Men want a woman who is open to trying new experiences. If he takes you to an opera or a football game and you can’t see straight out of sheer boredom, at least try to pretend you like it, and appreciate his efforts in doing something nice for you.

3. She has her own interests. A man likes to know that a woman has things that she is passionate about and involved in other that him. Having your own full and busy day also gives you lots to talk about at the dinner table.

4. Up on current events. Men love a woman who knows what is going on in the world. At least find out who the major movers and shakers on the world stage are and have an overview of what’s going on.

5. Good sense of humor. Being able to laugh and not take yourself too seriously is a critical part of a good relationship.

As you can see, men are generally looking for the whole “package.” Good looks and a great body will open the door, but only get you so far.

If you want more great dating tips, check out my book, Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting.