Each morning, I like to start my day by enjoying a cuppa Joe whilst scrolling through the latest news stories, although it’s a practice I’m thinking of dropping from my routine, given the utterly depressing headlines that flash on the computer screen daily. Many are stories about someone (usually a woman) who is missing or found dead, killed or tortured by an ex-lover or jealous spouse. It got me thinking. As a Los Angeles matchmaker and dating coach, I need to be even more vigilant in helping my clients stay safe and enjoy the dating process. Sometimes I think better healthy alone than sick together.
Many singles are impatient to find their forever soulmate and sometimes jump in to quickly.
Even if we are lonely, the people we choose to let into our lives need to be chosen carefully.
So… I’ll invite you to really look at whether or not you are ready for a relationship right now. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship, are recently divorced, or had a death in the family and need to heal. There is nothing wrong with being alone and working on yourself to make sure that you are a complete, whole and healthy person who is ready to give your all with the right person. I’ve always liked the saying, “I’d rather be healthy and alone than sick with someone else.”
If you agree with any of these statements, you want to be in a relationship for the right reasons.
- I love my life, and I want to share my happiness with someone.
- I feel totally ready to find my soul mate and have a healthy relationship.
- I have so much to give to the right person.
I remember when I was dating my ex-husband. I was twenty-seven, living alone, struggling financially, and my family lived in another state. We worked together in a posh Los Angeles restaurant. He was the sous chef, and I was the cashier. He clearly started dating me because he lived about forty-five minutes away from work and had no car. It cost him a fortune to take a taxi home every night after work. I lived a few blocks from the restaurant, so he started spending the night at my place. Deep down I knew that he was using me, but he was so cute, and I was so lonely. He also spoke very little English. (He was French.) Since I spoke French, he relied on me for everything. I felt like his mother. I knew in my heart that the relationship probably wouldn’t last a lifetime, but I went ahead and married the guy. He married me out of convenience, making it clear that he wasn’t attracted to me in the first place. We stayed together for seven years, but I spent much of that time crying my eyes out.
I was clearly in desperation mode, SO wanting to be with someone, but I was giving out energy to the universe that I was not good enough to have someone in my life who valued me, loved me, and treated me with respect.
Looking back now, I realize why I made the choices I made. We all have childhood wounds, even of they are buried so deep down that we have forgotten about them, they ARE there. Wounds love to pop up as sort of a surprise visit to seemingly fuck things up. But guess what? Life on earth is a school. Have you figured that out yet? The hard lessons are the ones that teach us the most. BUT, we want to acknowledge and heal our issues as soon as possible so we don’t end up one of the headlines on the Internet.
It is important to learn from our past, but not to live there. I think that everyone of us has made choices that we wish we hadn’t or would have handled differently, and that’s okay. I love this quote: “In the spirit world, there is no time.” Spiritual teacher Stuart Wilde often said, “We have all the time in the world.” Learn from the past, honor the past, but live in the now and delight in what is to come. Value yourself and what you have to offer while putting out the right energy in attracting the right partner.
Here are three things you can do to raise your self-esteem and self-worth:
- Have more compassion for yourself. Know that your past “failures” in relationships are in the past. Everyone makes mistakes or has bad judgment at some time or another. Learn from those times.
- Find your personal strengths. Make a list of all of the things that you love about yourself—those things that make you unique and special, such as your sexy long legs, gorgeous shiny hair, or killer smile. If there is something that you aren’t so crazy about, be more accepting, or find a way to change it. If you need to lose a few pounds, exercise more. If you hate that mole on your chin, have it removed, or learn to love it!
- Avoid comparing yourself with others. With all of the images in the media showing us that we should be super skinny and wealthy, sometimes we compare ourselves and feel that we aren’t good enough. Keep in mind that those often air-brushed images are just out there to make money. You are special just the way you are. Enjoy being you!
SOUL MATE ASSIGNMENT: Make a List of Things That You Love About Yourself!
As you increasingly learn to value and love yourself, you will discover your patience increasing as you wait for your soul mate to find you. And because you will be happy with yourself and your life, this will not be too difficult to do.
If you want to start your healing process with something simple yet powerful, energy healing is a wonderful, holistic practice that activates the body’s subtle energy systems and chakras to remove blocks. By breaking through these energetic blocks, the body’s ability to heal itself is activated.
Distance healing works just as well as in person, I would love to work with you! Book a session HERE.