A bad breakup, divorce, or other life crisis can easily undermine confidence. Being rejected has been found to affect physical health too, with the hurt literally felt within the heart and negatively impacting many bodily functions, even slowing the heart rate, according to a study out of the University of Amsterdam.
When a relationship ends, it’s often seen as failure, with many of us convincing ourselves that finding love again is almost an insurmountable task. Rediscovering confidence is key to helping to create a strong foundation for moving forward from that, and making a successful new connection. In fact, researchers from Webster University found that being confident wins more dates than just being attractive.
Create a List of Your Positive Attributes
After a breakup, most people tend to focus on what they need to improve about themselves, but in order to rebuild your confidence, you need to have good self-esteem. Making a list of things you like about yourself can help you to do just that. It can be accomplishments in your career or personal life, special talents or skills, or any other positive attributes, including things you might have done that contribute to the well-being of others. Try to come up with at least 50 positive attributes, and keep that list nearby so that you can refer to it when you’re not feeling bad about yourself.
Take Care of Yourself Mentally and Physically
You’ll naturally feel more confident by taking care of your mental and physical health. Eat as many nutritious, whole foods as you can while avoiding refined, processed foods like packaged baked goods and sweets as well as soda and fast food. Limit the consumption of caffeine, and especially alcohol, which can contribute to anxiety and depression. Be sure that you’re getting enough sleep each night as it’s hard to feel confidence and secure when you aren’t well-rested.
Regularly Exercising can make a significant difference in self-confidence, as the fitter and stronger you are, the better you’ll feel about yourself. It’s a natural mood booster, and the more you smile, the more attractive you’ll be to others. Practicing meditation or deep breathing is a great way to boost your emotional and physical health too. While taking a deep breath you might even focus on a mantra such as “I feel myself growing more confident with every breath I take.”
The more challenging experiences you undertake and accomplishments you achieve, the more your confidence will grow. By taking risks and accomplishing things you didn’t realize you could, you’ll start to trust yourself more and more, feeling more competent, which can lead to much greater confidence and more positive dating experiences.
You could try something simple for the first time, like signing up for a new exercise class or mastering a new workout move, and then work up to something big such as going on vacation alone or finishing a half-marathon. Eventually, going on a date or attending a single’s event will feel like a walk in the park.