This is a guest post by Isabel William
Millennials, the cynical children of postmodernism, by and large sneer at the idea of love. Yet over the course of hectic cultural and technological changes we have seen in the past few decades, the nature of it hasn’t changed. It always comes down to two people and the spark that ignited between them. However, in the whirlwind of job-obsessed culture and colorful multi-media diversions, it is so much easier for two love-birds to get distracted from working on their budding romance. In order to be better to yourself and your new partner, you have to start learning how to be present in the moment so you can enjoy your new love life.
The misconception of happiness in the present
So many people misconstrue the state of happiness as a goal. If you thrive to be happy, you are bound to be a truly miserable person indeed. Happiness comes to you when you are grateful for the things you have, and it is usually fleeting because life is defined as a procession of losses – before you finally lose yourself. Happiness is not a goal because happy endings simply do not exist, so this aim, along with an obsessive planning of the future and fixation on the past, leads to neuroses and anxieties. It sounds extremely paradoxical, but in order to enjoy your present moment with the loved one, you have to let go of the concept of happiness. As you spend time together, concentrate on that person, instead of the idea of being with that person and how that makes you happy. Remember – you are in love with the construct. In order to truly get to know the one you have fallen in love with, let the expectations go, and be ready to embrace whatever comes your way.
Learn from the elders
Learning how to live with a newfound love is like adapting to a new lifestyle. You have to go out of your way to find time for the person in your life that makes you happy, which means you have to make certain concessions when it comes to daily schedules. We all tend to fall into routines easily, which usually consist of repetitious activities with a constant feeling of anxiety about the future. This anxiety is the killer of romance. It is a product of unhealthy lifestyle habits we have learned from our parents, who actually did not have it all figured out. If you truly want to learn how to gauge time and activities with your loved ones, you need to look no further than your grandparents.
Several months ago, I visited my grandparents who are now living what can appear to be a “secluded” life outside the hectic urbanities of Sydney, Melbourne and other metropolises. They have found home in a beautiful oasis of Lake Macquarie retirement village, which is still close enough to the city in the case some complex medical emergency rears its ugly head. I have to admit I was shocked by the general feeling of tranquility I felt there, and no, it is not due to the fact that this generation is old – they simply know how to allocate their time and interest, and choose the ones that are truly valuable for them. They tend to prioritize the things that nourish their soul. If you were to learn from them, you’ll almost certainly put your loved one on the very top, along with work that renders you financially secure.
Thoughts are noise
Misinterpretations and wrong expectations are the killer of love. Living in the present moment with your significant other is about letting your thoughts go. When you are unable to break away from the incessant and deafening internal monologue, misinterpretation of your loved one’s words and deeds is something that is nearly inevitable. This is why it is important to clear your mind of needless thinking when you are in the presence of the loved one.
You’ve probably realized that this is something life-coaches and gurus around the world recommend if you want to calm your anxieties down and learn how to live in the present moment. It is not unlike the concept of meditation, and it needs a lot of work on your part to become seamless. Learning how to break thought patterns is something most people consider easy, but if you spend enough time living in your head, it is definitely a feat that will make you sweat. However, if you want to enjoy your love life, you have to work hard on the aspects of you that truly matter. If living in the present moment with your better half is what you aspire to, recognizing a voice in your head as a damaging noise is the first step to a successful relationship.
In order to fully appreciate the company of your new partner, you have to learn how to be present in the moment. In this way, you’ll truly grasp every aspect of their being that makes your heart flutter with delight. This goes without mentioning the fact that you will have the ability to communicate much better, so the development of your relationship will go much smoother, too. Learn how to gaze into the eyes of your significant other, and let both the past and the future go. This is the closest thing you will know of eternity.