Today’s post is brought to us by blogger Isabel William
Confidence you say? How in the heck do I get that? Well, let’s start off with a first word of encouragement – you are far from alone in feeling self-doubt. In fact, even those beaming individuals who appear to have it all figured out have their own blue moments on a daily basis. Everybody lacks in the confidence department, especially when they over-compensate. The best state we can all hope to achieve is a mix of self-worth and integrity coupled with realistic expectations. Once you rediscover your confidence, you’ll finally make out a new love on the horizon – the love for yourself.
Stop apologizing for insignificant things
First of all, in order to boost your confidence, you need to build integrity. This begins with a conscious choice to stop apologizing for insignificant things. People with low self-esteem tend to do this – whenever they feel they’ve infringed upon other people’s space, physical or mental, they have a tendency to apologize profusely and keep repeating they’re “sorry” like a parrot.
Apply this practice in your social life long enough and you’ll start saying sorry for things that make absolutely no sense. If you begin to apologize for your very appearance or presence, this is a definite sign you’ve gone too far. In order to start boosting your self-esteem, you need to limit your apologies to very concrete and glaring mistakes. You’ll realize, when you get down to it, your “sorry” phrase has been cut down by at least 80% in your daily life.
Get rid of petty morality
Petty morality is another big factor that obliterates true self-esteem. When we say “petty morality” we are talking about imposed sets of morals you have not thought through. In so many ways, they are like crutches to a pair of legs that is perfectly able to walk – don’t get used to them or your morality muscles will atrophy.
By questioning every single rule or idea that seems to weaken you, you will find your own ethical center and shed all the unnecessary bits. This builds integrity, and therefore confidence. Once you find this inner balance of ethics, you will also become much less passive aggressive in your approach and be able to confront people openly.
Seek professional help
Counseling is not only for people who are feeling down. In fact, many accomplished individuals seek professional help to better themselves. Superficially, this might sound like a step backwards – by looking for therapy, you are basically admitting to yourself you lack confidence and require help to rediscover it. But this could not be further from the truth.
Someone who knows how to listen and has all the necessary tools can truly assist you in reinforcing your confidence. If you find the process of going to the psychologist to be too invasive for starters, you can begin with efficient online inquiries like Supportive. After only a few clicks, you can be matched to a counselor who can help you via webcam,or messages anytime – anywhere.
Put a stop to making excuses
Excuses are a form of self-sabotage that can spoil you into thinking the entire world is against you. We also often use them to rationalize a state of things which we should actually confront. Instead, start confronting the part of your mind that keeps inventing alibies. They will only lull you into thinking you can do nothing to change certain things – you should know, nobody has control of your life but you.
This can be a particularly hard thing to deal with, but in order to start truly loving yourself, you have to begin with some serious self-scolding. We tend to repeat our mistakes over and over again, and making excuses is one of the peskiest ones. The best cure to break out of this cycle is to be aware you are doing it all the time and to get out of your own way.
Think about your circle of friends
You know how the old saying goes – you are how other people see you. This old wisdom can be a bitter pill to swallow if your circle of friends consists of some nihilistic individuals who do not have your best interests in mind. Do you have a tendency to hang out with the crowd that always appears to be chronically discontent? These toxic people will erode your confidence over time and engulf you in their world of constant bickering and negativity.
They are, for lack of a better word, energy vampires. If you want to see your self-esteem grow, you will have to pinpoint them and get rid of them without remorse. Recognizing these people is actually not particularly hard – they are the ones that never seem to be able to find nice words about other people, except you. Interesting how you are the one they confide in, isn’t it? Get these people out of your life as elegantly as you can, because they have been eroding your confidence, and you probably haven’t even noticed it.
People handle their low self-esteem in strikingly different ways. You just have to make sure you are not over-compensating because that will lead to bad social dynamics and it is bound to fall apart sooner rather than later. Remember – even the biggest geniuses in the world were not born with confidence. It is something you have to build over time, so make sure the foundation is solid.