Last night I was interviewed on Coast to Coast am with George Noory. We talked a lot about online dating and where to meet quality people when you are single. Getting a date is the first step, but if your goal is to get a second, third and fourth date and go on to marriage…. here are some tips for the guys:
Sure fire ways to impress a lady
Pick an appropriate first-date location. In the online dating world where people are not always sure the person looks like their portrait, or have had less interaction or screening before meeting, a casual low-key place to meet like a Starbucks is often the first date location of choice. If everything is clicking, this can often transition over to a casual restaurant, or happy hour where you can continue to get to know each other in a nicer atmosphere. If you have had more interaction with your online date through the phone or video clips, then you might just want to head straight to the restaurant. Keep in mind that low- end restaurant chains will generally not impress a lady. In the matchmaking world, where people are already well-screened and a sum of money has been paid upfront to find a date, a nice restaurant is typically recommended as the first place to get to know that special someone.
Dress to impress. Dress appropriately for where you are meeting. If it is casual, dress casual. If it is high class, dress for that occasion. A T-shirt and flip-flops generally won’t make a great first impression regardless of the venue. Make sure that you are well-groomed and smell good. If it is a casual first date, make sure your clothes and tennis shoes (or sneakers) are clean and neat. If you are headed to a nice restaurant, polish your shoes and make sure your slacks and shirt are clean and pressed. Teeth are very important to women. Get regular cleanings, and if they are yellow or stained, consider getting them whitened. Fingernails are also important. Dirty, bitten-down nails or raggedy hangnails are a huge turn-off. (Don’t be embarrassed to get a manicure, my husband gets them regularly). She can’t picture a man touching her with filthy nails or kissing her with dirty teeth! Believe it or not, ladies have complained about men having hair coming out of their nose or ears as well. Also, most women prefer a clean-shaven man. Ninety-nine percent of the women I have interviewed over the years have said that they do not like a beard or a moustache. A closely shaved goatee on the other hand can be quite sexy.
Have good manners. If you need to brush up on your etiquette skills before you get out there in the dating scene, then do so. I have heard of men picking their teeth with a matchbook at the end of a meal, talking with their mouth full, flirting with the waitress, and not knowing how to hold their utensils correctly. One man was not sure what chardonnay was. And these were all high-powered businessmen and professionals!
Don’t be cheap. Even if your first date is a casual one, do pick up the tab. Never use a coupon on a date and be a generous tipper. Make sure that she feels comfortable with you. Let her know that she is worth your resources. I had feedback from a lady who was totally turned off when saw her date tip 10 percent on the bill and then be cheap with the valet parking attendant. Another friend was furious when her date met her outside Starbucks with his coffee already in hand, talked for thirty minutes, and then left! She had spent time, money, and energy getting ready and driving there, and he couldn’t even spend two dollars on a coffee for her.
Don’t gush all over her. The first date is not a time to declare your undying love for her. It’s not a compliment. She will think that you might turn out to be a stalker or worse. And be respectful. A handshake or kiss on the cheek at the end of the date is fine, but do not have your hands all over your date. She might not be attracted to you, and even if she is, she will think that you are too forward and just want sex.
Don’t give her the third degree. Let the conversation flow. No one wants to be interrogated. I’ve heard about guys asking the woman questions like, “Why did your last relationship end?” “Tell me some of your dating horror stories.” This is just a first date, so don’t go to those negative or highly personal subjects.
Don’t boast or show off. She won’t like you more if you brag about how much money you have, your six-pack abs or your brand-new Ferrari. Talking about your interests is fine, but put the macho stuff away and impress her with your listening skills. A woman is more interested and impressed by a man’s ability to have a relationship with her than by his expertise at work.
Do not bring up other women. You are there to get to know her. She does not want to know about your other dates or your ex-wife. A man recently told one of my clients that he hoped his ex would get cancer and die so he could dance on her grave. She was horrified!
Do be nice to waiters and service people. A woman will judge you by how you treat others. I have read many feedback forms after dates saying that he was rude to the waiter and she was not interested in seeing him again.
Now, get out there and have a fabulous time!